reflection

the Lord touches hearts.
the Lord brings people into our lives who bring life, purpose, and truth because they are dependent on the Lord for His abundant life, purpose, and truth.

I am so grateful for Janie Miles, Miles, Ellen Gilbert, Ramona Adams, Cody, Matt, TC, Daniel, Leash, Paige, and Ope! Because of this particular missions meeting, I'm really thinking about going to Interface in Papua New Guinea with New Tribes Mission!!!! I loved hearing Janie's testimony.

In the meantime, I am loving my modern dance and geology courses. I was so blessed to get in to every class that I needed, even though I started off on the wait-list. The Lord is faithful and good.

He is SO faithful guys.

P.S. i need prayer for contentment given any circumstance.

jah jah

i had a nervous breakdown today.

i lost the Lord's peace about staying.

i miss my community at Baylor
so incredibly much
Acts 2:42-47

then, i went to work.
the blind woman i cook for
described to me the day that
she lost her sight, only 3 years
ago. how afraid she was.


After she lost her sight,
she knew that she needed God.


She described how she believed
in God, but didn't know Him.
She said "Jesus, I can't
guarantee that I'll trust in You,
but I'll try my hardest"

So she asked Jesus
if it's true that He was born of a virgin
if it's true that He died on the cross
if it's true that He rose again and
if it's true that all her sins were forgiven.

She said that He spoke with her and
she made up her mind that He
is truth, all-powerful, and Her
personal savior.

As she spoke, i couldn't help but cry silently.

i feel so blind.
no word could better define it.

& i'd be a fool to not trust in
my Lord no matter how difficult it is.
because
He is worth it.

i'd like a grilled cheese & tomato. sourdough. and fries, please.

delightful morning at Escondido Joe's coffee shop and Champions family-owned diner
a wise friend told me today

{may be a paraphrased}

"...at least you know you're in {or are doing} God's will, because you're not doing what your plans were..."

looking forward to small groups with the college group at church this fall, to some cold weather {ok, ok. yall won't think that this is "cold weather;" but it is to us Californians}, to pumpkin pie, to my sister's wedding, and to riding public transportation A.K.A. the "Sprinter" to school.

last night of beach bonfire with college group. bum. mer.

but the beach will always be a sanctuary {like downtown Grand Ave}. no matter the season.

aspirations for the semester

1. finish reading "Celebration of Discipline"
2. learn to play the guitar by my lil brother
3. exercise more frequently
4. save money
5. try to NOT dye my hair

you can't have your cake, and eat it too

i'm on a waitlist for all my classes {start next monday}

i began working for a 70 something year old blind woman.
paid by the gov't.
make her meals,
help her get around the house.
her website is http://www.jeannejennay.net/
i will become her "weekend gal"

this summer, i've found that i love cooking.
to show people i care about them,
i bake 'em things.
like cookies, muffins, pancakes, pancakes, & pancakes

i'm reading this amazing book called "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard J. Foster
the dryer my relationship with the Lord feels, the more i desire to be like
"the Devotional Masters of the Christian faith- Augustine of Hippo and Francis of Assisi and Julian of Norwich...(Foster xiii)"

oldest sister, Jessica got engaged a bit ago.
the wedding? November 14th. crazy, i know.
after her, my mom, and i went wedding dress shopping all weekend,
she found the dress of her dreams.
absolutely exquisite {at David's Bridal in Oceanside}

i wish i was more joyful.
but the Lord promises that there will
be joy in the morning!

what's fantastic is that i love mornings.
especially cold, gray ones.
mm. wonderful.

if i haven't talked with you in a while,
feel free to call me,
i'd love to hear your voice.
Baylor friends, yall are so dear to me.
miss you!

the fellas

{Hinckley, Poe, Bret}

they blew up balloons for my mom's birthday at my cousins' house in Austin, while I went through my storage and packed my suitcases for California

Some artwork from drawing class that I had to leave behind

in Austin:

{charcoal}

{pencil}

logic

The Lord wants me to stay in Escondido, CA for the semester.
The Lord is good.
His will for my life is good.
Therefore, staying in Escondido, CA is somehow good.

holding onto that promise {Jeremiah 29:11}

tissues...

ok. I have mine. I'm good.
ok. *deep breath*

I cannot afford to stay at Baylor University.
Filed in the Special Circumstance Form with my dad's unemployment.
Baylor did not offer enough money for me to stay.
My mom, sister, and I considered alternative loans.
This morning, after much crying, worshiping the Lord, praying, worshiping, crying, crying, and crying some more...
I decided to stay here & go to Palomar Community College for 1 or 2 semesters --> I worked my butt off in high school so that I don't have to go here.
It is going to take a lot of broken pride for me to go...
I contacted the Financial Aid office one last time on the request of my hall director and future employer, Nadine.
I am awaiting their response to my last plea for help.

The Lord is giving me some peace about staying, although it is extremely painful to even think about not being at Baylor, Antioch, and Lifegroup.

I am a mess. I have a headache from crying too hard for so many days. and I am asking for your prayers:

-humility
-wisdom
-patience
-God's peace
-my mom's health. She cannot sleep from stress of Baylor and exhaustion from work {she works overtime to pay for everything = food, two people in college, my sister's wedding in 2.5 months, our house, animals, etc.} Her worry and lack of sleep has made her very ill...
-that I would find a community of believers/accountability partners
-my dad would get work {he is self-employed; general contractor}

I love you all and miss you with all of my heart, and more.

cutest song ever

right here

big news #2

my sister Michelle
is home from
Ghana, Africa!!!

{I love helping plan my older sister's wedding. so fun.}

big news

Jeff.
is.
now.
my.
sister's.
fiancé
!!!!!

date marked down in history.
July 30th ...
Jeff proposed at Balboa Park
San Diego, CA

there is something i dream of.

"Hope"
by: Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune--without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

sadness

is like a fever.

power in prayer

that's my lesson for today, due to a phone call of a very precious friend of mine.
prayer is what holds us all together in Christ.

Thank you Lord that you care about every little detail in our life, that you hear us when we cry out to you, and that you bring your cleansing power, life, and redemption.
Amen.

wild at heart

LOVE it.

i'm liking the idea of short hair the more i have it.

and liking the platinum blonde idea...

...but i do miss my long hair.

Let's see...my sister has a friend from TX in town. She's super sweet. They went to Thailand for a year together with Baylor University...I am busy seeing friends, whom I haven't seen all summer. I baked some delicious muffins {oat bran and flax seed meal with fresh apple, carrots, and pecans}...canNOT wait to be an R.A. in the fall.

Lord, please give me wisdom as I watch over, and more importantly, befriend these 37 girls in my hall. I pray for hall unity, safety, and that my life would be a witness and bring about a hunger and thirst for righteousness and You. Amen.

Jenny Goes to Australia

is one of my favorite blogs!
My friend Jenny will be studying abroad there for the next season.

you should check it out, it's very amusing

http://jenniferbarefoot.blogspot.com/

...

this morning I woke up from a nightmare. sheesh. yucky. *cold shiver*

{***realized later after having brekkie} in the nightmare, a lot of us had neato super powers and were swimming in this pool. later on, we were all at a cafeteria/ dormitory/ any school building talking. i had really bad vision. and there was this evil person, and they were my "friend," but were trying to destroy me by finding out every weakness in my eyesight. while eating breakfast it dawned on me that the Devil is trying to put scales over my eyes and that I need the Lord to see truth and light. while getting ready for the day, I listened to the Irish hymn "Be Thou My Vision" and then got caught up on a lot of amazing Hillsong worship music. The End.
...

I'm going to have some brekkie and get ready for work.

beach bonfire tonight at o'side! whoopaey

California

San Diego is the hometown of my favorite pro skater/snowboarder,

Shaun White

i think that i shall have Maria teach me how to skateboard when i get back to tx.

i shouldn't be so afraid to fall down when i try riding.

home

i'm home :) i have found that wordpress is great for posting my artwork. but blogger is better for writing.

anyways, i am loving chalk board paint.
i want a piece of furniture or something weird to write on

hope yall are having an awesome summer
i have had good family friends over with their two beautiful, rambunctious, adorable daughters. they left this morning.

tomorrow my sister's friend from texas arrives. she's staying a week.

august 2. brittany goltry and family are coming to southern california!
august 3. meredith richey is coming!!!!

before going back to texas i really need to visit Coronado.

i have been truly blessed to hang out at all the great CA beaches. Carlsbad State Beach {nice and few people}. Oceanside {harbor and pier}. La Jolla {hoyty toyty city}. Del Mar {or at least visited the horse racing tracks for the huge Christian music festival called Spirit West Coast}.

Baylor University, i miss you lots.

i feel more artsy day by day but don't have an outlet for all the creativity yet.

BLOG IS MOVED

to http://www.nraeshapiro.wordpress.com

bye blogspot!

God wants my heart

after much stress, disappointment, grief, lack of self confidence, lack of stability in God's Word and prayer, God has captured my heart! finally!!!!!!

coming home has been extremely difficult. I felt as though I have no community here {God has shown me otherwise}. I felt as though no one in my family {except for my mom} really cared that I was here. BUT.

_

BUT, God spoke truth into my life through various people.
The first known instance was driving with Amanda to Palomar Mountain.
Instead of having a dance party in the car on the way down, we decided to talk about God. haha -a MUCH better subject. we both found that it would be awesome to go through a book together. but this is so exciting, because when I normally say that to another person, it usually doesn't work out. because of my lack of discipline or their's {usually always mine, though}. but I know that God wants for us to read through a book together and become closer friends and closer to Him. Anyone have any ideas as to what book?

The second time was when we went back up to Palomar Mountain the next day and greeted the head chef up there in the dining hall {my old boss}. He asked how we were. we answered. and THEN. and THEN! He asked us what God was teaching us. how convicting. so very convicting.

This morning has broken me down. I was so prideful. I was not living in truth and was not bringing truth into other people's lives.

The tip of the iceberg was when I read Leslie's blog about her time in Florence. This beautiful friend of mine is captivated by God's love and seeks His will for her life- something that I had lost in the past semester and beginning of the summer. Her blog update was so focused on the Lord, that I just stopped and saw His goodness. It was completely evident that God brought grace, wisdom, direction and love into her life. His character was all over the words on the computer screen. it is breathtakin--> {http://motleymeadows.wordpress.com/}

Thank you to everyone who is following Jesus Christ and bringing truth into my life.

Lord, thank you for bringing myself back to you. Thank you for not giving up on me.