love fest

here is where it began.

So, Maria Knorr.

We met in Drawing 1 class with Ms. Hitchcock.

She was the cool girl with the lip piercing
who stood at her easel, maybe, oh say, 3 people to my right...

always had a smile on her face whenever i'd try to get everyone partying in class while we spent hours staring at Clorox bleach bottles and bowls to draw- just tons of random objects all hot glue gunned on table boards

found out she was also from CA {San Jose}! and she has the same faith as me {Jesus Christ followers}!

we would eat oranges, granola, trail mix, flattened bananas, etc. during our break from drawing

she's a CA hippie like me.
we're organic,
NOT nasty exotic

I miss her a lot.

If you know anything about her, know this.
She's incredibly encouraging and thoughtful.

peace

message by Pastor Scott Smith
at EFCC, December 27 2009

The Daily Challenge:
to live in and live out the peace of God

peace def.
שלום (shalom) Hebrew, meaning whole; complete; sound
Εἰρήνη (eirḗnē) Greek, meaning right relationship with God and others

establishing a right relationship with the Prince of Peace {Jesus Christ}
brings about...

• peace with God {Romans 5:1; Ephesians 2:14; Colossians 1:19-20; Acts 10:36}
• peace of God {John 14:27; Matthew 6:25-27; Psalm 4:8}
• peace with others {Romans 14:19; Ephesians 4:3}

how do we have peace?
practice, practice, practice

• by being controlled by the Holy Spirit {Philippians 4:9}
• by loving God's Word {Psalm 119:165}
• by focusing on and trusting in the Lord {Isaiah 26:3}
• by obeying God's Word {Isaiah 48:18}

in conclusion, shalom!

because God is constant, faithful, never-changing.

Christmas is here!

Last night, the Grimes, Gilberts,
Blieds, and De Martimprey's
came over for some chicken dumpling,
Apples to Apples,
s'mores at our camp fire,
and fellowship.
such a lovely night.

today, Tadashi, my aunt & nana
are joining my family
for some cookie decorating

then we're off to church at EFCC!

then home for a fondue dinner?
maybe...

Happy Christmas Eve!
What are yall doing for Christmas?
any awesome traditions?

ode to tuesday

had a chat with megan about
how she liked her first semester of college
at the Blue Mug

made 2 batches of
Shapiro's famous toffee

watched the movie, The Family Stone

watered our courtyard

practiced some soccer tricks
with a flat basketball
while my little brother tried to fix
our go-cart

...

o, excited about grades...
think i got a 4.0,
waiting for my modern dance grade

...

planning on some home-made pizza
with Toto after Christmas,
it's too bad Yuto is back in Japan for the
holidays.

i really need to put up a picture of
my hand-sewn
Christmas sweater.

Merry Christmas!

Baylor Countdown= 15 days,
amazing.

Christmas Party at ICF

{the international student bible study}

last night of ICF until Jan. 8th

i leave for baylor the 5th

i'm going to miss all my Japanese friends
A LOT.

want some rims like Tadashi

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

tonight,
i realized that the whole movie is about
waiting on Aslan,
the parallel to God.

waiting for His rescue
His wisdom
& His timing.

i love how Aslan
teaches Peter & Susan
all that they need to know
in that world...

this is a dry spell

i'd love to know God, like i used to

He's the most interesting person to know,
don't you think?

a few years back, i worked at
palomar christian conference center
for two summers

one summer in particular,
i read Dr. Strauss'
"The Joy of Knowing God"

spending each day with one
purpose and one purpose only
was so fantastic:

i meditated on the fact that
God would reveal one thing
about Himself per day
if i were to ask

it was so exciting to have
a new revelation every day,
because God was so quick
to help me understand
His amazing character.

He's great, by the way.

i can't wait to get to know
Him all over again.

Second time reading the book...
and it's neato to read all my
old notes and underlined phrases
or words and read
what Mbamba also wrote
as he read through it that
same summer.

the madre and i

bought some delicious
authentic
Mexican food
from Lourdes

we ordered their famous
chicken soup
{complete with rice and avocado}

i've been sick for the past
3/4
days
....

studying for finals has
been a great challenge
but i only have two more
to go! {out of 6}

...

booked my flight for texas
this afternoon
i am arriving on January 5th
2010 whoo!

...

my family has almost
eaten all of
Jesus' b-day cake,
which had some coconut flakes
mixed in with the
home-made cream cheese
frosting.
o delightful.

how are yall doin?

Emmanuel

Christ is with us, friends!

{I baked Him a
Birthday cake today :)
because I don't want to
study for finals yet.

this spring semester....

I'm going to be a CL {like an RA}
in Kokernot Residence Hall

SO ECSTATIC.

Thank you Jesus :)

Heavenly Father,

take my moments and my days,
let each breath that I take,
be ever only
for you, O God.

whoa, here I stand arms open wide.
whoa, I am yours and You are mine.

{Hillsong lyrics/prayer}

mm
---
amen.

life includes...

1. interview with the residence hall director at Kokernot for CL position
   
2. last night, International student Bible study at the Monnevones house with Tadashi {had sooo much fun singing Christmas worship songs, and eating Japanese curry with Chai tea and rice}
3. woke up early this morning to celebrate my dad's birthday over breakfast with strawberries, oranges, eggs with spinach, & traditional Jewish bread
4. anthropology reading
5. green tea
6. work
7. Balboa Park with the Christmas festivities & House of "Insert Nation" kitchens. Jorge, Amanda, Hayley and i ate cow heart at the House of Peru. let's just say, i didn't like the texture of a shish-kah-bob of seasoned cow muscle
   

symphony

God orchestrated

my schooling

I am returning to Baylor in January

and will be able to stay for

the rest of my college years

AH! HUGE answer to prayer

woke up to the sound of rain

My Soul Longs for You

by Misty Edwards

"My soul longs for You my soul longs for You

Nothin' else will do nothin' else will do

My soul longs for You my soul longs for You

Nothin' else will do nothin' else will do...

I believe You will come like the rain...

You'll come like the rain

So let it rain let it rain let it rain let it rain...

Hallelujah Hallelujah You'll make all things new"

listen here.

nicknamed my bank accounts today

logged in. customized.

Savings= "DO NOT TOUCH"

Checking= "Card It"

It makes me happy!

mm beautiful night

1) Jason texted me to quickly check out Jupiter and the moon at a particular time

2) Laura and Ragan came over to watch the old version of Pride & Prejudice

3) Shelly joined us after making some magnificent pumpkin muffins

4) my mom joined us after eating some hot bread and soup (which was super yummy)

5) my dad joined us after making us all a fire in the fireplace. so cozy.

Ragan, Laura, and I fell asleep sometime in the middle of the third movie (which is in the middle of the 6 hour production)

after waking up, we stargazed in the freezing cold

been thinkin about Psalm 147:4
"He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name."

mm God is so amazing.

met with the lovely Deborah for coffee

at Esco Joe's this morning after music class,
& i loved catching up

she is learning to anchor her future with God's will.
it's so encouraging to hear her explain how the more
she relies on Him for everything, He proves Himself
faithful and blesses her for her patience and
motivation.

after talking with her and then Jamie previously,
i'm so tempted to travel to Europe
get plugged in with a church,

take residency while working,
become a citizen.
get free education.

travel where ever the Lord leads

sleep and breath in His presence,
waiting on His signal and wisdom.

now, that's the life.

for those who do not know,
i'm very determined to live in
a Spanish-speaking country.

i want adventure.
and i think that living in Christ
will be the most wild, rewarding thing.

pictures of the wedding

can be found here.

haven't quite rested since the festivities have ended.

Ecclesiastes 2

particularly, verse 11:

"When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind. There was nothing to be gained under the sun."

can you believe that

my sister gets married tomorrow?! gahlee!

"A Generous Life"

1) This weekend, my music teacher received $400 extra for his musical performance. His clients were more than pleased with his professionalism and musical abilities. His first thought? "I shall give this to one of my students." {which he spontaneously does every few months, although not such a large sum- bout $100-$200} He offered a girl {number 9th on the role because it's November 9th} $400 if she was on time to class. 10 minutes before class began {precisely 7:50 a.m.}, He wrote her name on the envelope and put the money in it. Let's just say she was late and was incredibly disappointed. He was determined to give the money away to some lucky person in his next class.

2) Cultural anthropology class discussion today: the rules and functions of authority, power, law, force; cohersion. what really caught me was when we brought up sharing & how it is not in our nature to share. Giving must be taught to selfish people in societies...

3) I had just arrived at the Escondido Transit Center after Palomar classes today {waiting for a ride home from the madre}, and a woman approached multiple people asking for change so that she can go get something to eat. If you know me really well, you'd know that I always carry a good serving size of organic applesauce in my purse. Weird, I know. You'd also know that I never-ever have cash. But today was different. There was a few dollars in my pants pocket! The Holy Spirit gently reminded me that the dollars were God's and not mine. I became so excited to give such a small contribution. As it turns out, she had walked away fast before I could hand her the lunch bag full of the sauce and monies. More than anything, I learned what it felt like to be a cheerful giver and how easy it is, once you already previously decide to give whatever you have in order to further His kingdom.

Ryan Paulson's sermon on Sunday night about
generosity was phenomenal.
we camped out at
2 Corinthians 9:6-15

• a generous life isn't our natural inclination & must be determined ahead of time {9:7}
• a generous life is a life that is blessed by God {9:6, 8-11; Proverbs 11:24-25}
• a generous life is a life that points to Jesus {9:12-14}
• a generous life is a reflection of God's generosity to us! {9:15}

p.s. you can't out give God.

walk down memory lane

cheering at Escondido High School
{sophomore year}

I think I learned the most about
how God is faithful, loving, and more than enough for me
when I was on the cheer squad in high school.

when was it for you?

the funniest thing

is when your thumb falls asleep every few hours

{I jammed it badly a few weeks back,
and then re-injured twice within the same week!
yikes!
-once while driving
-the other in modern dance class}

So, I wear this awesome thumb/wrist brace
and it causes my thumb to fall asleep :)

so silly.

godly sorrow v. worldly sorrow

yes, there is a difference.
{reminds me of godly wisdom v. worldly wisdom
love the theme...
so thankful God's ways are not like ours}

godly sorrow:
begins with repentance
leads to deliverance {salvation} & no regrets. none. zero.
also known as, freedom IN Christ

worldly sorrow:
does not begin with repentance
leads to death and ends with regret.


2 Corinthians 7:2-16
p.s. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BEGINNING,
how we approach sorrow.

I love how simple the Bible is:

John 1:8 says, "If we claim to be without sin,
we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just
and will forgive us."

For me,
living in God's kingdom,
is waking up in humility,
with a hunger for righteousness,
and an anticipation of forgiveness
and empowerment from God's grace
in order to do His will for that day of my life.
For we are not alone. He can help :)
and we cannot love others around us
without remaining and being secure in His love.
which is unconditional.
o and amazing.
understatement of the year!

These past few months, I have
done everything in my power to love
those whom I sit with on the Sprinter
and love those in my classes
but I've missed the opportunity
to love my own family and
be there for them in this time of stress
and wedding planning.

I have greatly failed them.
Especially being a bridesmaid,
the sister of the bride,
the daughter of those who are hosting
the wedding at their house.
And yet I have not served them
haven't shown/given the love,
the encouragement they need.

I am sinning against them
by daily choosing to walk in worldly sorrow,
self pity, selfish ambition,
maybe even focusing on God's ministry
instead of God, Himself. very unhealthy.

which = cutting myself from His presence, love, and grace
which = not living in the fruit of the Spirit
which does not = a lifestyle that reflects Christ's example
which will flow naturally from us when we
live IN Him remain IN Him find satisfaction IN Him
for He is enough for us and much much more!

all that said and done, I have 2 weeks before the wedding.
2 weeks. to live in humility, service, and love towards
my family.

yall can feel free to hold me accountable.

mm what it say?

Herbert, meet everyone

Everyone, meet Herbert.

new friends are worth 50 cents at Bates Nut Farm

...

After emailing many different Baylor authorities,

including my academic advisor,

it seems as though I have many of my ducks in a row.

fantastic!

...

Today, Escondido Joe's coffee shop with Natalie after school was quite wonderful.

Geology lab on the other hand- not so much.

Tomorrow brings:

8 a.m. music class

10:30 a.m. Escondido Joe's coffee with Deborah yay!

later in the evening: "Pumpkin Toss" with church college group

where you will throw a large pumpkin off a balcony,

onto a trampoline,

and hope that it bounces into a particular trash can-

sounds glorious doesn't it?! I'm stoked.

you know how running is on my "nay" list?

well, after reading the blog of a dear friend, Maria, found here
I can't help but give it a second try......
wish me luck.

...

mm I went to Old Navy and bought a pair of
sweet running shorts this afternoon
{o! and some beautifully designed, large tanks for modern dance class}
feel so legit. now all I have to do it actually use them shorts.

...

my sister's fiance, Jeff, brought my family
some pumpkins to carve tonight!
Because I had bible study with some girls,
I could not enjoy the soup and carving extravaganza.
Little did I know that my little brother Michael
waited for me to carve one with him.
So precious.

After searching for an amazing stencil idea,
we decided on a hand print with a guitar in the palm
and some musical notes around the hand.
I'm impressed with his guitar drawing "skillage"
& found that carving pumpkins is easier
after taking a college drawing course haha

I'm only staying up right now in order to cook the pumpkin seeds.
I'd love for Mike to have some in his lunch.

discard zuh pulp. rinse zuh seeds. butter zuh pan. a lot. place zuh seeds.
scatter zuh seeds. salt zuh seeds. a lot.
and 15 minutes later at 350 degrees, vuala!

they are done. and I am free to sleep.

...

Tomorrow morning:
dropping my mom off at work at the hospital
downtown, coffee shop- reading the Bible and Pride & Prejudice-
buying a chalkboard for my Baylor countdown
looking for a chocolate brown bridesmaid dress
taking a train ride to school for geology and modern dance.

yep. I'm skipping music appreciation
because I don't have to go to anthropology.
Therefore, I may arrive at 11 instead of the usual 8,
which would cost me 2 dead hours before geology.
no way Josue.

...

my mom and I have a date tomorrow to go to Bates Nut Farm
for some California Fall Lovin
ready to enjoy the autumn crops, pumpkin patch, & crisp air. delicious.

sweet dreams my friends

just notified Baylor

that I will be returning for Spring '10 semester.

hallelujah!

I'm going to buy a simple chalkboard,
where I will be counting down the days

now all I have to do is survive the rest of this semester.
no easy task.

p.s. looking for affordable off-campus housing
--please let me know, if you know anything

needing encouragement

*intensified, it being Homecoming at Baylor and all....

I feel tired of waiting on God's ways
[He gives me purpose here --sharing the gospel with people on the train--
but some thing's missing....hmmm......not getting even a tiny glimpse of a tiny part of the whole picture]
I feel exhausted from school & work & wedding stuff
I feel incredibly lonely, not being with my family {a.k.a. Antioch lifegroup}

and on top of all that,
I never have anything to look forward to.

gahh. war cry.

if you know you're one of my beloveds,
I really need you- I need a physical form of God's love.

just hearing what's going on in your life, will lift my spirits,
and I don't need any "sorry's" or "bummer's"
I just need to hear your voice.

my mama, she's wise

she told me that the walk to the cross is a lonely one.

when we go through suffering,
it produces perseverance, character, & hope.

when i star gaze

i love not knowing what's up there.

i love being reminded that God is so big.

that my life, and what things i find so significant and place my worth in, are so insignificant.

simplicity

yah yah we know it can be defined as owning only what is needed; always sharing; pursuing a few things at a time= not being busy--> having a slower lifestyle

Foster believes that simplicity is

giving up addiction, what it is that we think we can't live without-
& always pursuing God's kingdom before our own legitimate, even good, pursuits.

mmm. convicting.

God's purposes: To Love and Be Loved

John 15:9 "Just as the Father has loved Me,
I have also loved you; abide in My love."

He created us,
He is captivated by us,
He wants us to respond.

1 John 3:1 "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God!
And that is what we are!"

eternal love.
unconditional.

If we can be secure in His love,
which is more than enough for us,
than we can in turn love and serve others,
because we aren't relying on
broken, imperfect people to fill us with love.

Isaiah 30:18
Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have
compassion on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him."

o how I do not grasp His love,
rely on it,
let Him lavish His gentle, kind, holy love
or respond as much as I should.

friends! how great is His love!

ode to friday

sorrow may last for the night,
but there will be joy in the morning.
literally.

positive thoughts.. none. because

nothing worthy to be posted other than the fact that right now I'm sorta really angry about being here and not there

that right now I'm doing well in school, but I don't like my actual school {clock tower that looks like it's out of Hook [which is kinda cool. but ghetto] and cigarette buds all over the grass and concrete}

that those who I put my trust in-can fail and disappoint. but
GOD IS UNCHANGEABLE.FAITHFUL.LOVING.SLOW TO ANGER.HOLY.MERCIFUL.FULL OF GRACE.WISE.ALL POWERFUL.GENTLE.constantly pursues me because
I am His and He is mine.

that God has given me a great community in my small group, and yet i can feel so alone and ungrateful.

Dear Lord, please help me to reflect Your glory in whatever I do, even if they seem to be stupid and small things
Lord, please give me a peace about being at Palomar College
Lord, please bless my parents for their support and love
Lord, thank you that you want to reveal Yourself and speak truth and life. Thank You that I can see You and be carried in Your strong arms.

Heavenly Father, THANK YOU for being such a beautiful God. Amen.

finding a lot of purpose

also means overcommitting oneself

I think I should focus on investing in the EFCC college group more than anything

and Natalie and my girls' small group is going fabulously!
tight nit crew

I have been busy with quizzes n tests. pretty exhausting week...

Jeanne {the woman I work for} has given me more hours to work on the weekend.
+more income ...but
-less time to rest, which I already have so little of

Please pray that I'd be content given any circumstance,
for wisdom on how to spend my limited energies,
and for the small group

how is your week? whats new?

thoughts and prayers

extended to families
who are broken,
who are hurting,
whose lives were greatly and directly
impacted by 9/11

Lord, I thank you that you
are the all comforter.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
"Praise be to God and Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father
of compassion and the God of all
comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves have received from God."

overwhelmed

with
God's purpose, His love,
new classes, riding public transportation every day, new school,
loneliness on campus,
new/wonderful college girls' small group
while leading with another Natalie,
college missions group,
Blessing Our World's Servant's meeting,
junior high/high school bible study
while leading with the wise and amazing Mrs. Peters,
care taking of the fun, wild, lively, but blind, Jeanne Jennay on the weekends,
AND. AND. and. and.

learning to serve my family on a daily basis,
encourage my sister through her engagement,

and
be at peace. be still.
in strength. in boldness.
in grace. in joy. & in sorrow. in hope.
in darkness. in obstacles.
in forgiveness. in the fire.
simply...in LIFE.
because God, the living water, the bread of life,
promises life.

He is beautiful. Amen.

i almost

thought it was going to rain this morning!

other things that i love/miss are found here.

life is good

{my parents in San Diego Harbor. aren't they so cute?}

my parents get back from hawaii tomorrow.

i am doing well...

school is great.

lots of reading to catch up on. lots.

heard the Baylor Bears actually won a football game

whoopie! congrats guys!!

work was fun. cooked Jeanne some spaghetti n

squash for dinner.

went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's...

i'm home!

going to watch a movie, read more from my

cultural anthropology book, take notes, and try to relax.

how are yall doing? how's school? work?

reflection

the Lord touches hearts.
the Lord brings people into our lives who bring life, purpose, and truth because they are dependent on the Lord for His abundant life, purpose, and truth.

I am so grateful for Janie Miles, Miles, Ellen Gilbert, Ramona Adams, Cody, Matt, TC, Daniel, Leash, Paige, and Ope! Because of this particular missions meeting, I'm really thinking about going to Interface in Papua New Guinea with New Tribes Mission!!!! I loved hearing Janie's testimony.

In the meantime, I am loving my modern dance and geology courses. I was so blessed to get in to every class that I needed, even though I started off on the wait-list. The Lord is faithful and good.

He is SO faithful guys.

P.S. i need prayer for contentment given any circumstance.

jah jah

i had a nervous breakdown today.

i lost the Lord's peace about staying.

i miss my community at Baylor
so incredibly much
Acts 2:42-47

then, i went to work.
the blind woman i cook for
described to me the day that
she lost her sight, only 3 years
ago. how afraid she was.


After she lost her sight,
she knew that she needed God.


She described how she believed
in God, but didn't know Him.
She said "Jesus, I can't
guarantee that I'll trust in You,
but I'll try my hardest"

So she asked Jesus
if it's true that He was born of a virgin
if it's true that He died on the cross
if it's true that He rose again and
if it's true that all her sins were forgiven.

She said that He spoke with her and
she made up her mind that He
is truth, all-powerful, and Her
personal savior.

As she spoke, i couldn't help but cry silently.

i feel so blind.
no word could better define it.

& i'd be a fool to not trust in
my Lord no matter how difficult it is.
because
He is worth it.

i'd like a grilled cheese & tomato. sourdough. and fries, please.

delightful morning at Escondido Joe's coffee shop and Champions family-owned diner
a wise friend told me today

{may be a paraphrased}

"...at least you know you're in {or are doing} God's will, because you're not doing what your plans were..."

looking forward to small groups with the college group at church this fall, to some cold weather {ok, ok. yall won't think that this is "cold weather;" but it is to us Californians}, to pumpkin pie, to my sister's wedding, and to riding public transportation A.K.A. the "Sprinter" to school.

last night of beach bonfire with college group. bum. mer.

but the beach will always be a sanctuary {like downtown Grand Ave}. no matter the season.

aspirations for the semester

1. finish reading "Celebration of Discipline"
2. learn to play the guitar by my lil brother
3. exercise more frequently
4. save money
5. try to NOT dye my hair

you can't have your cake, and eat it too

i'm on a waitlist for all my classes {start next monday}

i began working for a 70 something year old blind woman.
paid by the gov't.
make her meals,
help her get around the house.
her website is http://www.jeannejennay.net/
i will become her "weekend gal"

this summer, i've found that i love cooking.
to show people i care about them,
i bake 'em things.
like cookies, muffins, pancakes, pancakes, & pancakes

i'm reading this amazing book called "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard J. Foster
the dryer my relationship with the Lord feels, the more i desire to be like
"the Devotional Masters of the Christian faith- Augustine of Hippo and Francis of Assisi and Julian of Norwich...(Foster xiii)"

oldest sister, Jessica got engaged a bit ago.
the wedding? November 14th. crazy, i know.
after her, my mom, and i went wedding dress shopping all weekend,
she found the dress of her dreams.
absolutely exquisite {at David's Bridal in Oceanside}

i wish i was more joyful.
but the Lord promises that there will
be joy in the morning!

what's fantastic is that i love mornings.
especially cold, gray ones.
mm. wonderful.

if i haven't talked with you in a while,
feel free to call me,
i'd love to hear your voice.
Baylor friends, yall are so dear to me.
miss you!

the fellas

{Hinckley, Poe, Bret}

they blew up balloons for my mom's birthday at my cousins' house in Austin, while I went through my storage and packed my suitcases for California

Some artwork from drawing class that I had to leave behind

in Austin:

{charcoal}

{pencil}

logic

The Lord wants me to stay in Escondido, CA for the semester.
The Lord is good.
His will for my life is good.
Therefore, staying in Escondido, CA is somehow good.

holding onto that promise {Jeremiah 29:11}

tissues...

ok. I have mine. I'm good.
ok. *deep breath*

I cannot afford to stay at Baylor University.
Filed in the Special Circumstance Form with my dad's unemployment.
Baylor did not offer enough money for me to stay.
My mom, sister, and I considered alternative loans.
This morning, after much crying, worshiping the Lord, praying, worshiping, crying, crying, and crying some more...
I decided to stay here & go to Palomar Community College for 1 or 2 semesters --> I worked my butt off in high school so that I don't have to go here.
It is going to take a lot of broken pride for me to go...
I contacted the Financial Aid office one last time on the request of my hall director and future employer, Nadine.
I am awaiting their response to my last plea for help.

The Lord is giving me some peace about staying, although it is extremely painful to even think about not being at Baylor, Antioch, and Lifegroup.

I am a mess. I have a headache from crying too hard for so many days. and I am asking for your prayers:

-humility
-wisdom
-patience
-God's peace
-my mom's health. She cannot sleep from stress of Baylor and exhaustion from work {she works overtime to pay for everything = food, two people in college, my sister's wedding in 2.5 months, our house, animals, etc.} Her worry and lack of sleep has made her very ill...
-that I would find a community of believers/accountability partners
-my dad would get work {he is self-employed; general contractor}

I love you all and miss you with all of my heart, and more.

cutest song ever

right here

big news #2

my sister Michelle
is home from
Ghana, Africa!!!

{I love helping plan my older sister's wedding. so fun.}

big news

Jeff.
is.
now.
my.
sister's.
fiancé
!!!!!

date marked down in history.
July 30th ...
Jeff proposed at Balboa Park
San Diego, CA

there is something i dream of.

"Hope"
by: Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune--without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

sadness

is like a fever.

power in prayer

that's my lesson for today, due to a phone call of a very precious friend of mine.
prayer is what holds us all together in Christ.

Thank you Lord that you care about every little detail in our life, that you hear us when we cry out to you, and that you bring your cleansing power, life, and redemption.
Amen.

wild at heart

LOVE it.

i'm liking the idea of short hair the more i have it.

and liking the platinum blonde idea...

...but i do miss my long hair.

Let's see...my sister has a friend from TX in town. She's super sweet. They went to Thailand for a year together with Baylor University...I am busy seeing friends, whom I haven't seen all summer. I baked some delicious muffins {oat bran and flax seed meal with fresh apple, carrots, and pecans}...canNOT wait to be an R.A. in the fall.

Lord, please give me wisdom as I watch over, and more importantly, befriend these 37 girls in my hall. I pray for hall unity, safety, and that my life would be a witness and bring about a hunger and thirst for righteousness and You. Amen.

Jenny Goes to Australia

is one of my favorite blogs!
My friend Jenny will be studying abroad there for the next season.

you should check it out, it's very amusing

http://jenniferbarefoot.blogspot.com/

...

this morning I woke up from a nightmare. sheesh. yucky. *cold shiver*

{***realized later after having brekkie} in the nightmare, a lot of us had neato super powers and were swimming in this pool. later on, we were all at a cafeteria/ dormitory/ any school building talking. i had really bad vision. and there was this evil person, and they were my "friend," but were trying to destroy me by finding out every weakness in my eyesight. while eating breakfast it dawned on me that the Devil is trying to put scales over my eyes and that I need the Lord to see truth and light. while getting ready for the day, I listened to the Irish hymn "Be Thou My Vision" and then got caught up on a lot of amazing Hillsong worship music. The End.
...

I'm going to have some brekkie and get ready for work.

beach bonfire tonight at o'side! whoopaey

California

San Diego is the hometown of my favorite pro skater/snowboarder,

Shaun White

i think that i shall have Maria teach me how to skateboard when i get back to tx.

i shouldn't be so afraid to fall down when i try riding.

home

i'm home :) i have found that wordpress is great for posting my artwork. but blogger is better for writing.

anyways, i am loving chalk board paint.
i want a piece of furniture or something weird to write on

hope yall are having an awesome summer
i have had good family friends over with their two beautiful, rambunctious, adorable daughters. they left this morning.

tomorrow my sister's friend from texas arrives. she's staying a week.

august 2. brittany goltry and family are coming to southern california!
august 3. meredith richey is coming!!!!

before going back to texas i really need to visit Coronado.

i have been truly blessed to hang out at all the great CA beaches. Carlsbad State Beach {nice and few people}. Oceanside {harbor and pier}. La Jolla {hoyty toyty city}. Del Mar {or at least visited the horse racing tracks for the huge Christian music festival called Spirit West Coast}.

Baylor University, i miss you lots.

i feel more artsy day by day but don't have an outlet for all the creativity yet.

BLOG IS MOVED

to http://www.nraeshapiro.wordpress.com

bye blogspot!

God wants my heart

after much stress, disappointment, grief, lack of self confidence, lack of stability in God's Word and prayer, God has captured my heart! finally!!!!!!

coming home has been extremely difficult. I felt as though I have no community here {God has shown me otherwise}. I felt as though no one in my family {except for my mom} really cared that I was here. BUT.

_

BUT, God spoke truth into my life through various people.
The first known instance was driving with Amanda to Palomar Mountain.
Instead of having a dance party in the car on the way down, we decided to talk about God. haha -a MUCH better subject. we both found that it would be awesome to go through a book together. but this is so exciting, because when I normally say that to another person, it usually doesn't work out. because of my lack of discipline or their's {usually always mine, though}. but I know that God wants for us to read through a book together and become closer friends and closer to Him. Anyone have any ideas as to what book?

The second time was when we went back up to Palomar Mountain the next day and greeted the head chef up there in the dining hall {my old boss}. He asked how we were. we answered. and THEN. and THEN! He asked us what God was teaching us. how convicting. so very convicting.

This morning has broken me down. I was so prideful. I was not living in truth and was not bringing truth into other people's lives.

The tip of the iceberg was when I read Leslie's blog about her time in Florence. This beautiful friend of mine is captivated by God's love and seeks His will for her life- something that I had lost in the past semester and beginning of the summer. Her blog update was so focused on the Lord, that I just stopped and saw His goodness. It was completely evident that God brought grace, wisdom, direction and love into her life. His character was all over the words on the computer screen. it is breathtakin--> {http://motleymeadows.wordpress.com/}

Thank you to everyone who is following Jesus Christ and bringing truth into my life.

Lord, thank you for bringing myself back to you. Thank you for not giving up on me.

i left my heart on palomar mountain

i miss camp.
it was great to visit it for two days.
glorious, actually.

yay! i get to see Aaron and Manda on thursday on his day off.
fantastic!

what fun to play cards, ping pong, and
say hi to people i love at this christian camp
that i worked at for the past two summers.

on for the job hunt! going to stop by at
Quizno's and Marie Calender's tomorrow.
wish me luck!

and the doorbell didn't ring

i've been cleaning a lot this morning
my oldest sister has her
college graduation party tomorrow!

busy times, yet i'm home alone
in a crazy silence despite
the humming of the dish washer.
surprisingly pleasant noise.

still job searching...don't know where to look.
no one wants to hire seasonal workers

...

went to wonderful bar-b-que at a
Carlsbad State Beach campsite last night,
joined my parent's old
Bible study group for some din din.

it was major high tide but i insisted
that my friend Laura and I still take a walk.
we ran beneath the
cliff base trying to get past each
wave as it came close and then
retreated.
geesh, so much adrenaline. haha

a new quest

this summer, i am determined to learn
how to sew beautiful clothing.

today, i have been blessed to pick
fresh apricots in the rain.
quite fun.

and begin
Pride and Prejudice
{the 5 hour version}

home home on the range

been chillin at home, bored a lot. and i mean... a. lot.

no where to go, really.
watched the beginning of "surfs up" -got bored.
made some organic black tea. then got bored.

i'll save you the rest of the boredomnesstrosity. yes, i shall indeed.

But, i can tell you that i had a job interview
at GAP INC. this morning!

{i find out by tomorrow at 6 p.m.
whether or not i get the job}

whoopie!

how is your summer so far?

mine is quite wonderful.

practicing driving. i know i know. i'm 19 and no license. sue me.

been to the beach a few times
OH! am TERRIBLY SUN BURNT.
ouch {on my legs, didn't put sunscreen there}

can't wait to attend some graduation
parties!

here is me getting ready for my high school graduation
JUNE 08

have a great rest of the week!

hello austin, texas

you're pretty great.
not as good as california,
but still pretty great.

dear mom

Guess how much I love you?

right up to the moon and back.

update

dreads are fun.
you wash them probably 0-3 times a month
[they aren't dirty, unless you
roll around in the dirt and
sleep in a tree]

you wash your scalp,
not the dreads.
i use TOMS natural bar of soap

you wax them every now
and then. i use 100% Australian
Beeswax by Murray's.
I bought it at the dollar store
in Waco

i'm enjoying them more
and more.

still get lots of stares and
questions......

sea salt apparently helps
your dreads to tighten.
SO i can't wait to go home and
swim in the ocean. :)

people who have legit dreads
let them "mature" through
sea bathing. pretty awesome.

once you get over the 2 month
hump, they actually look
quite amazing.
i'm at month 1. but they look promising.

if you're thinking about getting dreads
just know:

1. you need patience. lots of it.
2. some days your hair will be HUGE
3. dreads take lots of care,
but will look good even if you don't take
care of them. very ironic.
4. think of how much money you're saving
by not buying shampoo and conditioner
or hair spray, or moose, or any other hair
products you use normally.
5. i bought the hair wax at the dollar store.
SUPER affordable.
6. bad hair days almost never exist, just put
em in a low ponytail.
7. but SOME people think you
always have bad hair days....
until they realize they're dreads.
very silly.
8. you will be seen as different.
always be yourself, they'll realize
you're not that crazy.
9. let 1+ friends do them for you.
its time consuming but its better
than getting them professionally
done.
p.s. my friend Gigi did mine and it
took 16 hours. but i do have thick hair
and it was SUPER long.
10. did i say dreads are fun? i'll say
it again.
THEY'RE SO FUN.

things that make me happy

1. being with Meredith Richey
2. COLD rainy days
3. bagels
4. authenticity & simplicity
5. a 3.5-4.0 GPA
6. big trees
7. beach bonfires
8. dried mangos
9. charcoal pencils
10. quoting movies
11. mexican food
12. new yarn
13. Murray's Beeswax for dreads
14. birthday cards in snail mail
15. childhood shell collections
16. chewable Vitamin C
17. the movie Bella
18. California rolls
19. patching up my bro's blue jeans
20. hot cider
21. Trader Joe's grocery store
22. new freckles after a sunny day
23. chocolate chip oatmeal cookie dough
24. oatmeal, period.
25. good oranges
26. and sweet strawberries
27. apple picking in Julian, CA
28. socks from Costco
29. NYLON fashion magazine
30. the smell of vanilla extract
31. dancing at a wedding reception
32. college art classes
33. playing ping pong at the SLC
34. volleyball
35. dark chocolate
36. TOMS shoes
37. bird of paradise
38. paint and quarter horses
39. CLEAR starry nights
40. and gray mornings
41. Ireland
42. and New Zealand
43. family Christmas traditions
44. Kashi cereal
45. sunsets
46. reading Psalms
47. making to-do lists
48. Forever 21
49. Urban Outfitters
50. Anthropologie
51. In N Out Burger
52. soy milk in a smoothie
53. beach camping
54. mid-day naps
55. home-made pizza
56. CALIFORNIA bar-b-q [haha]
57. my familia whom i miss so dearly

what makes you happy?

after

after sitting in a tree swing

today,

it hit me.

God is unchanging.

and beautiful.

i wish i liked to read

than i would read:

the never ending story
some mitch albom books... like 5 people you meet in heaven
harry potter series
some C.S. Lewis here and there...

ah!

Nacho Libro "GIT DAT CORN OUTA MUH FACE!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF9SCVsRilY&feature=related

this is how i stay sane while writing english papers....

[like now.]

reading the Bible every now and then

& watching YouTube every now and then.

eh. what can i say.

...

so, what is one of your favorite YouTube videos?

rain

its pouring today.
i LOVE it.

anyone else like the rain?

Psalm 139

God is everywhere.

I'm not alone.

Never alone.

a short story

A Short Story

by Natalie Rae Shapiro

Today i was talking to Erica and Mikayla

about health food books i read when i said:

...

"i'm like pregnant once a week.

i crave every food i have in my

room all at once."

The End.

ode to friday

craving Shipley's donuts even
after reading a health foods book...
oh.my.

searching for a summer job

thinking about essays
and sculptures i must
make before the end of
next week.
yikes....

...

found cutest polaroid

by Tabitha Gwyn Osler

sometimes

people disappoint me.

you think friends are there for you

you think friends have your back

you think you're actually loved.

no way.

california dreaming

can't wait to

show my family my 55 dreads....

p.s. i am missing southern california. like. crazy.

whoa

got a fortune cookie today that said

"You will be recognized and honored as a community leader."

o plans

I am going to be a Community Leader next year for

a freshman dorm.

this is what I would like my room to

look like:

when in doubt...

standing in the cafeteria,

done. ready for dessert.

what to try...?

just eat an orange silly

Easter

driving with Gina to the Dallas airport
flew to El Paso, Texas then drove 15 min. to New Mexico for
Good Friday hike with Gina's youth group from church
Jesus Christo

Gina and I, again.

i'm having a blast, but still really really miss my family who are back in California.

at last

i have dreadlocks.

blessings

nothing beats having an awful morning

[i'm losing sleep and am sick]

like a...

blueberry bagel and hot chocolate

from Common Grounds.

Chocolate is good for the soul.

and so is God.

Amen!